How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
