I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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