I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
