i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
