i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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