my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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