If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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