I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You ate ashes out of my bong
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
