How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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