i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
