we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
