I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
