Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Drake has all the answers
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
