I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
