he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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