Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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