thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
