you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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