just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Sober January is a disaster.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
