Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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