Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
