at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
