it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
