My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
How's work?
Spinning.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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