i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
