she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
