ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
