I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
