SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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