Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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