I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
