I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
