When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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