are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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