Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
