I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
