he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
