you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
