My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
