Your mouth is God's brothel.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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