Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
