I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just had sex bonerless
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
