i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
