i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
