Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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