She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
