I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
