i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
