Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
