a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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