Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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