You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
