Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
