when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
